Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
