New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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