you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
