did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
