we have officially lost it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
