bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
