Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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