Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
