chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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