apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
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