I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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