a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just invented taco cereal.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
