my phone needs a breathalizer
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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