Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
