Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
