i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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