I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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