We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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