I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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