My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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