That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
