I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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