Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had to cum in my sink.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
