it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
