my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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