I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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