I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
