he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
