she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
