Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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