I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
