So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
