Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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