Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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