im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
