So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
