I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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