dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
