i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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