its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
