Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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