I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
