i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
