Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
