i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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