Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
