Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
