Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
