you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
