omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
