Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
