it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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