If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
