i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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