I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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