I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
