I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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