I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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